Religion And Mood Rings
by And.These.Are.Lemons
Summary: "I'm pretty sure six fifty won't buy a house, Edgar."


_**Disclaimer: Johnny C. & Edgar V. & Devi D. & Tenna & Todd C. do not belong to me. They are (C) Jhonen Vasquez! :P  
Any poor store clerks (C) This Lazy Whoretastic (For Jack Spicer Onlyyy) Bitch Right Here!  
Jack Spicer: WHERE MY BITCHES AT?  
Me: RIGHT HERE!**_

**_See? Pathetic._**

**_Summary: Alright, insipired by a convo my mom and I had. ITS TOO HOT HERE ITS JUST TOO HOT IM FUCKING MELTING! :33 Yeah, it's a Nny/Edgar story! I can't stick to a fucking pairing can I? Jesus, I'm working on a Nny/Older!Squee fic, I have two Nny/Psycho-Doughboy fics, I wrote two Nny/Devi(ish) ones. WTF! SOMEONE SLAP THIS BITCH RIGHT HERE! Augh. - Johnny didn't kill Edgar as long as the guy promised not to leave because he liked having the company. :DD That's the best I can think to explain right now. I guess you could say it's AU. Not really though. Johnny's still Johnny. Edgar's still Edgar. But Squee is like 15 and Johnny and Edgar are only like 20. I know the age difference is MUCH more significant in the comics, but THAT much of a diff soooorta messes with me. I dun like that. So HAH! SUCK IT. No OC's. I've done enough Mary-Sue-ing. :P I hope you enjoy it. :D_**

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Edgar smiled as he saw Johnny stick his head into the disgusting ice box in a futile attempt to cool off. It was actually pretty cute. Though, Edgar's snarky side took the win when it came to these situations.

"It's not gonna work, Johnny." Edgar stated simply. He wasn't overheated in the least, himself. Johnny had just come back from the 24-7 and was sweating like a pig.

"Says you!" Johnny pulled his head out of the ice box to frown at Edgar. "Why aren't you sweating?"

"Because, I'm not in jeans, boots, two long sleeve shirts, and an overcoat. I'm in shorts and a t-shirt. Notice the lack of layers? It makes me cooler. In more ways than one." He smirked as Johnny pouted.

"It's not my fault! If I go anywhere with my skin showing, I'll get odd looks!" He shoved his head back into the ice box.

"I never thought you as one to care." Edgar snickered.

"I don't, but I also don't like being watched as I do things. They'll look at me like I'm some rare species of human that has been secluded from this planet!" Johnny said with some hesitation on his words.

"Oh? And here I was thinking you were _just_ from another planet." Edgar stared at the television that was blaring that you shouldn't go outside. It was just too hot. Squirrells were melting on the streets. "Do you honestly need the coat and second shirt?" Edgar looked at Johnny as he kicked off his boots and grumbled.

"No, I guess I don't..." Johnny had shed his coat by the couch, he was pulling at his top shirt as he stood in front of the ice box. After his sucess he threw it down the hallway toward the room where is clothes stayed. "I hate this state." He growled and Edgar laughed.

"Then why do you live here?"

"I have a house here. I don't have any money than what's in my pockets. I'm pretty sure six fifty won't buy a house. I had to buy this thing too, you know. They just kinda forgot about it." He stepped from the ice box, shutting the door with little force. He sat himself on the floor next to Edgar. The couch seemed to eminate heat for some reason. Therefore, they wouldn't sit on it in the summer. The lethal summer that if you lived through it, you were said to be invincible.

"See, was that so hard?" Edgar poked Johnny and noticed the neck of another undershirt. "Seriously?" He grabbed it and laughed. "Do you _want_ to melt with the squirrells on the sidewalk?"

"Maybe..." Johnny grumbled.

"Well I wouldn't like that much. So don't do it, okay?" Edgar smiled at Johnny.

" 'Kay." Johnny rested his head on Edgar's shoulder and took the remote from him. He switched through channels and landed on a fat man preaching to a huge congregation. "Ooh! Ooh! Edgar! What's he saying? I don't speak Jesus." Johnny smirked.

"He's telling you not to rape children." He frowned. "No, wait." He thought for a moment. "He's telling you not to commit adultery. He's going through the commandments, I think." Edgar grimaced. He knew most of them by heart.

_"One: You shall have no other gods before Me.  
Two: __You shall not make for yourself a carved image-any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.  
Three: __You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.  
Four: Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.  
Five: Honor your father and your mother.  
Six: You shall not murder.  
Seven: You shall not commit adultery.  
Eight: You shall not steal.  
Nine: You shall not bear flase witness over your neighbor.  
Ten: __You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's. (Long commandment short: You shall not covet.)"_

Edgar always knew them, but he was shaky on the wording. "That guy's really fucking stupid." Edgar groaned. It was Saturday. He already was breaking commandment four. "Goddamnit." He just broke commandment three. Edgar accepted that he was no longer holy. He was living with someone who stole from others, after he killed them. Used the name of God in vain. Didn't care about Sabbath. He didn't even believe in religion. Edgar couldn't say his faith hadn't been shaken down to just thinking there was a God. Not like his old "knowing" feeling.

"You guys follow these?" Johnny was looking at a leaflet he had gotten from a guy who was selling religion the other day.

"We're supposed to." Edgar ran his hand through his hair. "If we break one and don't pray to God to forgive our sins, we get sent to hell." Edgar mumbled.

"Really? That's kinda harsh." Johnny said. He was actually giving Christianity acknowledgement. He was thinking about it. Not like he was going to convert, but it was good to see him at least thinking about it. "Shouldn't there be something you could do to cancel out your 'sin'? Say you do something 'unholy' on the Sabbath day. Can't you just help an old lady across the street and have it all be okay?" Johnny set the leaflet on the floor and Edgar grabbed it.

"God's an asshole like that." Edgar mumbled as he read the small paper.

"I mean, apparently that guy who made himself look like a lizard is forever a sinner! That's just kind of mean." Johnny mumbled. "Same with the guy who made himself look like a cat. That's their choice in life, why is that so bad? I just think that's a load of bullshit..." Johnny grumbled.

"I know..." Edgar took off his glasses and cleaned them. The preacher was almost inaudible with his sermon, but he suddenly got excited.

"CAN I GET AN AMEN?" Johnny snickered.

"Amen, brotha!" Johnny smirked. Edgar stared at him. "What? The poor guy looked like an idiot. You would have done the same. You're that nice." He smiled over at Edgar who was giving him an odd fond look without his glasses on.

"I probably would have." He laughed. "It depends on what he's blabbering and sweating over." Edgar sighed.

"Homosexuals are..." The man stopped as both on the other side of the screen stared at him oddly. It was as though he knew they were staring at him. "Do we have in homosexuals in this holy place?" He pointed to someone off stage. There were two of them. They were blonde and brunette. Blue eyes and brown eyes. Tight clothes and baggy clothes. Bright colors and dull ones. Patterns and solids. Their looks contradicted the other, but they seemed so happy together. "What are your names, boys?" He smiled sweetly, but anybody in their right mind would know it was fake.

"Sam." The happier one stated.

"John." The duller one grunted out his name.

Both seemed like different creatures from other sides of the world, but when they looked in the other's eyes, they smiled the same smile. They would say three words that matched in tone and volume. It was the only thing out of them that truly matched.

"So, Sam and John, you're homosexuals, yes?" You could see the sermon forming in his eyes. It was creepy.

"Yeah." They both said slowly.

"ABOMINATIONS!" He said to the crowd through his microphone and past his double chin. "God made Adam and Eve to show how humans should act! We should be like Adam and Eve! Male with Female! Nothing more!" Johnny shifted awkawrdly and grunted.

"That's against the second commandment." He said softly. Edgar looked over at him. "You shall not make for yourself a carved image-any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth." He leaned over onto Edgar. "He said to be like Adam and Eve, but that would be making yourself a likeness of them. A likeness of somethig that is 'in heaven above', you know?" He made air quotes. "Christianity gives me a headache." He mumbled.

"It gives me one too." Edgar sighed. "And I lived by it." He slouched and felt Johnny set his head on his chest.

"Yeah. Must've been bad to be you." He poked Edgar. "Did you always have a headache?"

"Mostly." He smirked. "I was living hand in hand with Advil, so I was alright."

"Do you still have headaches?" Johnny didn't move but you could tell he was getting tired.

"Nah. Not since I've been here, amazingly. With the mixed scent of Glade and blood you would think I would." He laughed. "How did you even live with the scent?"

"I 'slept' with a tiny air freshening thing. Which gave me a headache, but I didn't want to heave." Johnny sighed.

"I'd think you would be good with the smell of blood."

"New blood. Yes. Old blood and rotting organs. Not so much." He snuggled into Edgar's chest. "It's disgusting. Then, the organs get this disgusting crust on them and when you step on them you make the most disgusting cruch then squish." He smiled.

"You're so freakishly insane." Edgar smiled down at Johnny's blue hair.

"I know. That's what gives me my amazing aura!" Johnny fanned a hand above his head, but didn't look back at Egdar.

"Yeah. That amazing grey aura." Edgar laughed

"It should be blue." Johnny said softly. "I'm not anxious." Edgar was one to mess with Johnny about his 'aura'. The colors were ones to correspond with those on a dollar store mood ring. (I got my results from a ring I own. Grey means: Anxious/Worried. Blue means: Calm/Loving/Relaxed. I'm SOOO lame.) Edgar blushed. That was Johnny's way of saying things along the lines of 'I love you.'. It was pretty sweet. Johnny rolled over finally to look at Edgar, but he was still laying on the bespectacled man's chest/stomach.

"Heh, you too." He smiled and Johnny laughed.

"You're such a mess." Johnny ruffled Edgar's hair and sat up as he did so.

"Really?" Their faces were inches apart now.

"Yea-" Johnny was bumped in the back of the head and his lips made contact with Edgar's. Their eyes both widened and Edgar blushed. He was such a girl. When Johnny finally pulled away he was smirking. "Did you do that?"

"Do what?" Edgar played innocent. He really hadn't done it.

_"Mew."_ Johnny turned around to look at the source of the sound. He smiled and squeaked.

"Ah! A kitty!" Johnny had a soft spot for cats. Especially kittens. "Oh my god! It's so fucking fluffy!" Edgar blessed the cat for grabbing the maniac's attention. "Lookit, Edgar!" Johnny placed the kitten in Edgar's sight.

"She's adorable."

"How do you know it's a she?" Johnny looked at the cat's face and looked at Edgar.

"She has kittens of her own." Edgar pointed to small kittens poking from behind the TV and mewing at their mother. Johnny placed the black mother cat in Edgar's lap and pulled the kittens over.

"This must be one of the best things born in this house." Johnny smiled. Edgar couldn't help but pulling Johnny to him and kissing him. He was too cute. Much to his surprise, Johnny didn't fight, he kissed back.

The kittens all looked up at the display and mewed cutely. Both smiled into the kiss when they heard the mews, but they didn't pull away. Johnny had his arms wrapped around Edgar's neck, as Edgar had his wrapped around Johnny's waist.

The TV suddenly turned to static, then a rainbow screen. "We're sorry, but due to popular demand, Spencer's Holy Sermon has been taken off of the air." Johnny moved his mouth over a small bit. Out of the corner he smiled more.

"Amen." He snickered and moved closer to Edgar.

_And I will always love you. I will always love you. You, my darling, you. Hmm..._

Suddenly, summer wasn't so bad to either of them.

* * *

_**Oi. Alrighttyy! Well, you may not know this, but I have a guilty pleasure of listening to Whitney Houston. DX I'm horrible, I know. **_

**_After her last show, my faith has been shaken. Now I take to my old CD's and wish for the old Whitney back... _**

**_OKAY! So, I was kinda just pissed about how it is down here in 'The Lone Star State' sooo mhm. I really needed to put a Nny/Edgar fic up here, and I was thinking about A BIG ONE. Kinda as long and big and drawn out and detailed and all that as Vargas. (Though I don't have the initiative to do that...Or the skilll) Speaking of, you should check Vargas out if you haven't already! :DD It made my days through seventh grade MUCH more bearable seeing as Edgar had it WORSE than me. I felt good._**

**_I dunno why Whitney is in here. I kinda think it was sorta cute without it. Though, I had been listening to her for hours, and suddenly, I don't feel the need to. :DD Back to The Dresden Dolls. C:_**

**_Alrrrrrrriiiiiiggghhttttty. Anything more? Nah. Oh! The kittens! I dunno. I really don't. I wanted to make Johnny act cute and I know it doesn't make sense._**

**_Religion! Oi. I have no idea. I kinda wanted this to be a fic all about Edgar's faith after I gave up on the drawnout idea. But NOOO. It had to go away.  
Yes, I do know all ten commandments by heart, thank you.  
I can also quote the Torah in Hebrew. :D I'm suuuch a weirdo.  
THOUGH IM IN LOVE WITH HOW THIS TURNED OUT. I also hate it. _**

**_The beginning was lovely, the ending tied in well. Otherwise, I did very much like the preacher. :D I felt that I needed to put Sam and John in here for no reason. They are newly found OCs that need a life. :D _**

**_Look forward to a song fic named 'The Boy Anachronism' :D_**

**_R&R SO THAT THE KITTENS AND I CAN HAZ A BOOZE FUND! :DD :heart:_**


End file.
